Interview with a "Heiseh Atheist"

Lately I have been running into more and more a mindless drivel of comments on certain blogs. Basically you have some "bright intellectuals" (Uber-Chachomim), who shall remain unnamed (although my readers should have no difficulty figuring it out), in our midst here in the J-blogsphere who have switched allegiance from one God/Godol/Rebbe system to another. And if you dare question their certainty in any of the tenets of their newly found faith, oh no, you better be ready for a good serving of some verbal abuse. And it's not unfounded you know, because anyone who doesn't agree with them is automatically part of the other side, the dark forces of evil, the obstacles of progress and the second coming of Richard Dawkins.

In the spirit of the latest fad in the J-blogsphere of conducting interviews, the following is an interview with one such devout member of the new faith and crusader against the backwards forces of anti whatever he happens to think on that day after two and a half shots of whiskey, a little porn or the hell knows what:

Me: So what made you change your mind from being a blind follower of Gdolim, who believed in every last word they said, without even contemplating if they said it in the first place - to someone who follows this or that atheist mobilizer without ever stopping to think about what he is saying or if you even understand what he is saying.

OTD Crusader: Because I was looked at with the wrong eye by my Morah in preschool, pointed at with a ruler by the second-grade Rebbi, given a Knass in 10th grade, and not allowed to masturbate as much as I'd like to. All of this led me to realize that the God/Gdolim/Rebbe idolizing is not for me. Also I wasn't supposed to curse people back then no matter how wrong they were. So instead I switched to believing in Dawkins and the atheist revolution. As part of the initiation rites, I must blog and curse as many people who disagree with me about the most inconsequential things. Even people who don't believe in religion, or may even be atheists.

Me: But did you investigate whether your new found belief is universally correct, or if it's possibly mistaken in some part or detail, because those that you chose to follow now are also human and may err in something.

OTD Crusader: @#$% you. How dare you question me. Don't you know that now in the new world order of atheistic democracy, the only free speech allowed is that which is unmistakebly anti religious and pro the new god of earth Dawkins, or Harris, or me. Anything else which is not 100% anti religion is to be condemned and its proponent cursed and shunned as a uncivilized savage. This should be done even if I'm so stupid as to not understand what's being spoken. My marching orders are such: if I don't hear some blasphemy, the speaker must be expounding counter-revolutionary propaganda.

Me: So what will happen to all those say 99.9% of humanity who either aren't atheist or are atheist but aren't as vehemently anti religious as they ought to be. What will happen to those that think for themselves, don't follow the leader, and happen to come to a different conclusion than the party line.

OTD Crusader: Ah, now you ask well. You know that those who don't study history are bound to repeat its mistakes. We crusaders do study history, and we need not go far back to find a solution. In the last century we actually had a very good system of combating counter-revolutionary sentiments. Those who will not follow the leader and convert to the new faith will be dealt with accordingly.